And how absurd is it?

I've been having a hard time writing about Saipan lately.

It's just that things have gotten so absurd that it isn't funny. Except that it is. I can picture some late-night comedian saying "it's so ridiculous that...."

The Governor proclaims a State of Emergency because the Power Plant may blow up.

The U.S. Congress adds a special 'CNMI only' labor category because the local government says existing rules will Osterize our economy-- and the Governor wants to sue because no other U.S. jurisdiction has to put up with these onerous requirements.

The closed-door meeting to push for his suit has to be postponed because of a power outage.

The public is brought into the discussion when the Governor posts his talking points on You Tube.

My son asks me if it's true that the (new) Public Utility Commission is to blame for our power problems as the Governor claims.

The Commonwealth Utilities Corporation has more liabilities than assets but the Legislature wants to require a minimum bid for privatization.

Questionable hiring practices have plagued CUC, but the Legislature wants to ensure jobs are "protected" during privatization.

There's no money in the budget for retirement contributions but the Retirement Fund is being asked to risk its dwindling reserves investing in CUC.

The government is bloated (also see retirement contributions) but is trying to argue that there just aren't enough local workers to staff private businesses.

CUC keeps promising to train local workers this time if they just get another extension to hire contract workers.

The Northern Marianas College's director for institutional advancement moves over to shaky private Emmanuel College.

That's just off the top of my head. Now, what did I miss?

Privatization dancing

Most people favor privatizing the Commonwealth Utilities Corporation, from what I hear 'on the street' and see in online polls like the one on Rep. Joseph Camacho's website. But proverbally, the devil is in the details.

The Senate has sent the House Bill calling for privatizing CUC within 45 days back with "minor amendments", according to the Saipan Tribune. Well, that's helpful, but about what you'd expect when the story doesn't even mention the bill's number.

How many companies are going to sort through the engine pieces on the power plant floors, take stock of substations, lines and transformers and come back with a bid?

Somebody, preferably from outside the Commonwealth, needs to independently take a 'snapshot' of CUC before there is any request for bids. The Legislature was just guessing when it set the value at $500 million and now $250 million. The winning bidder will also face huge costs for needed spare parts and maintenance that has been deferred for years.

I'm groping in the dark here (Last night too, but that's a different story), but I've heard the company will also have to "protect" current employees. That's hanging an albatross around a pig's neck when hiring practices have helped bring CUC to its current state. The pool of qualified CNMI residents isn't huge. It would be suicidal to fire valuable employees, particularly with the tightening labor market due to impending federalization. Do you really want to pay for the others with higher power bills?

Like any new board members, the Public Utilities Commission had to rack up some frequent flyer miles before digging into business. That's done, but I doubt if they'll be ready to go in 45 days.

Privatization was a great idea 20 years ago. It's a better idea now, but not if it's another one of those rush jobs that has to be done again and again.

Oh, one other thing, a proposed amendment: "Proceeds from this sale may be used for operations only after retiring all government debt and unfunded obligations."

Speaking of rush jobs, The Marianas Public Land Trust will be meeting in the Morgen Building at 9:00 am Monday to discuss Resolution 08-03. You know, Aggreko money.

A kilowatt in every pot

Over the years I've written dozens of letters to the Editor and promptly tore them up. I just don't want to get into an Opinion-page war.

Then I saw Power for the future CNMI (Saipan Tribune) and broke my rule. The letter went something like this:

A kilowatt in every pot (Hoot, Hoot: The Saipan Tribune decided that the headline Privatizing CUC is not such a good idea was better. I still like mine. What do you think?)

I normally find letters to the Editor interesting and provocative. Often I agree with them, but not in the case of privatizing CUC.

I don't think anyone would disagree that "There is already in existence tidal power, wind power, water turbines, wave power and a host of other fuels that can be used to run the motors for the generators." How are we going to pay for these new sources? I don't think the central government has any loose change in its pockets.

Try putting solar panels or a windmill on your roof and you'll get an idea of how expensive these technologies are to install. Sure, they'll save money in the long run, but where's the money coming from now?

Maybe CUC could float a bond. With its finances, the bond rating would be low and the payments enormous. Well, I guess they could just raise rates again so those nasty underwriters could get a return on their investment. That's the problem with businesses, they just don't like to give money away. Why can't everybody be like the U.S. DOE?

Yep, a private company would want to make a return on its investment. It would also want to make money on any capital improvements. The world is just so unfair.

Unfortunately, the energy party is over, and you and I are going to have to pay to catch up. Fortunately, the LIHEAP program is available for low-income households. I don't want you to think I'm against all socialist ideas.

Monopolies always have to be watched; that's why a Public Utilities Commission is needed to monitor rates. I'm just concerned that the PUC would have the same anti-business attitude prevalent throughout the Commonwealth, which a recent letter writer represents so ably. (Well, I'd like to know what the privatization proposal actually says, too.) Any company would have to think twice about risking its money where it's a sin to make a profit.

Then again, maybe Hugo Chavez will give us the money, or send fuel. He likes to tweak Uncle Sam's nose. Heck, he might even help us buy back the telephone system. I miss the days of aboveground wires and four-digit phone numbers.

I could go on, but this is already too long. I'd be happy to chat about it if anyone wants to drop by sosaipan.blogspot.com

PS That's blatant self-promotion, in case you SEO buffs are watching. Let's see if they leave it in

PPS Holani Smith call home. I didn't get a phone call or email to confirm the letter. Sure it was sent from sosaipan@yahoo.com, but it took me less than five minutes to set up that account.