Well, then. This started out as an email to the Marianas Variety and Saipan Tribune-- the first three sentences anyway. I was debating whether to send it when the power went out for six of the last seven hours. That's a long stew on the slow cooker; now it's best in an obscure blog. I think you'll agree.
We already know the State of the Commonwealth. Show us the Legislature does by having your ceremony on a public lawn. You've already got the tables and tents.
Just think, your names will be plastered all over the place. There might be some disagreement about who gets featured at the head tables that will be in all of the pictures, but statesmen like you can solve petty problems like that.
You might need a generator if there's no power, or if the Commonwealth Utilities Corporation cuts you off. Otherwise it costs nothing. Don't worry about pupus, we can eat cake.
In your invitation, please ask the Governor to have all of his Department and Agency Heads and Board Members stand so the crowd can acknowledge them. Your tribute could be a moment of silence.
Because we're blogged down and not in the newspaper, we can have the First Ever Sarcasm Contest. The letter got choked up with all of the “”'s I put around words to show I was Just Kidding. So I pulled them. Now you can earn fame and glory by putting them back.
Just “list” the words in this piece that should have “” around them. With all of the pilfering going around these days, your comments will surely be plagiarized (and why not), so feel free to drop an email to email@example.com. If you wish to remain anonymous, the Subject of your email should be the Secret Code 'nonynonynony'. No Nigerian bank clerks, please.
All finalists will offered a job When I Get Elected. As a tiebreaker, include your very own Sarcastic Suggestion. The good ones from the emails will be featured, unless they're so disgusting I won't even cut-and-paste them.
You might earn a persona non grata unless you're anonymous. That's your problem, and probably a disqualification anyway. No worries, mate. You'd still qualify for the Second Ever “Sarcasm” Award as soon as I figure out who to name it after.