Passing the buck and passing the budget

The Saipan Tribune has a counter on its front page: xx days without a government budget for FY 2009. (Click on the picture of the front page in the online edition.)

Does anyone care any more?

I've enjoyed the online Marianas Variety more since they added a 'comments' feature, though there are only a dozen or so regular users. One thing I've noticed in the last 60 days is no one comments on the budget stories; okay Friday has an exception, just to prove the rule.

Is the budget too complicated? Are people burned out because the budget is never passed on time?

People complain about crime, and about soft sentencing, but not about the Attorney General's inability to attract enough prosecutors to avoid plea bargains. Should there be enough textbooks for all of the schoolkids? How about money to keep skilled medical professionals? The list is long.

How about jobs? That should get someone's attention. There's no way departments can take a ten percent cut without reducing employment. This is an election year, of course, so the actual decisions (and blame) will apparently be foisted on the Governor-- and the Legislature will only take an 8.7 percent cut.

Spam diet

I've been casually following some security companies trying to cut down on the spam in our email diet.

Think of it as angels and demons fighting over your internet soul while you blithely check on who's dancing with the stars.

The details go over my head in about ten seconds, but there's been some success in cutting off the control servers for some of the largest botnets-- networks of computers like yours controlled by bad guys to send spam.

The first stories were about the Internet Service Provider McColo Corp. being shut down a year after its Russian founder's car crash. That reduced spam by about 80 billion, according to some researchers, and estimated 41% drop. Evidently that didn't include my friends in Burkina Faso and in various lotteries and s*ze *ncrease shops.

But it's a cops-and-robbers game; the Srizbi botnet, for instance, soon moved to Estonia where it was shut down again. A criminal domain registrar was shut down with little apparent effect.

The catch, and there always is one, would be if governments get too involved. I wonder about the effect on net neutrality.

A little closer to home (your computer), you Windows users are updating regularly, aren't you? Microsoft claims its November Malicious Software Removal Tool took out one million worthless applications.

DUH

Even the federal government is getting smarter about computer security. They're going "to first fix vulnerabilities in federal networks that hackers are known to exploit most frequently -- a move that represents a significant change from current federal security policy." Well, the guidelines should be available for public comment within six months.

Cripes, mom

An email forwarded by my mother, of all people. It made me think of Glen Doutrich (RIP).

The madam opened the brothel door in Winnipeg and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties.

'May I help you sir?' she asked.

'I want to see Valerie,' the man replied.

'Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else', said the madam.

'No, I must see Valerie,' he replied.

Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the man she charged $5000 a visit. Without hesitation, the man pulled out five thousand dollars and gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, the man calmly left.

The next night, the man appeared again, once more demanding to see Valerie. Valerie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row as she was too expensive. But there were no discounts. The price was still $5000.

Again, the man pulled out the money, gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, he left.

The following night the man was there yet again.

Everyone was astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night, but he paid Valerie and they went upstairs.

After their session, Valerie said to the man, 'No one has ever been with me three nights in a row. Where are you from?'.

The man replied, ' Ontario '.

'Really', she said. 'I have family in Ontario'.

'I know.' the man said. 'Your sister died, and I am her attorney. She asked me to give you your $15,000 inheritance.'

The moral of the story is that three things in life
are certain.
1. Death
2. Taxes
3. Being screwed by a lawyer

Waiving the flags?

The Department of Homeland Security hates tourists. That's the reality we face when we read (Gov. Benigno R.) Fitial to continue pressing for China, Russia visa waivers (Saipan Tribune)

The Christian Science Monitor tells us that Tourism rises globally, but not to U.S. The article notes that "In fact, the annual number of foreign visitors to the US is about 2 million lower than in 2000, leading travel-industry experts to figure that from 2000 to 2007, the US economy took a hit of about $150 billion." Security trumps tourism.

The article quotes Gary Shapiro, president of the Consumer Electronics Association about the reasons there are far fewer foreign visitors to trade shows:

On a recent trip to China, Mr. Shapiro met the owner of a chain of 1,200 electronics stores who said he'd love to visit the Las Vegas show – but can't get a visa. While Shapiro may not know why that particular visa request was denied, he does know about the process a Chinese businessperson, tourist, or student has to go through to get a visa.

As he describes it, the applicant must first get to the US Embassy or a city with a US consulate, wait in what can be a long line, and pay a $100 application fee, giving a full accounting of all financial assets. The applicant must then return to the embassy or consulate for a two-minute interview that results in approval for a visa or rejection.

Foreign students face a similar problem. That's probably going to be the next local headline when the regulations are finalized.

There's certainly a connection to the Marines moving to Guam, with some spillover expected to the Northern Marianas. China and Russia are hardly hotbeds of terrorism, though some Chechens have been among the 'foreign fighters' in Iraq and Afghanistan. Military security, visa fraud and other criminal activity are more likely to be the "security concerns" cited in the proposed regulations.

As I so persuasively argued in Immigrate Expectations, the CNMI is likely to get lost in national immigration issues. From recent discussions on ILW.COM, it appears that Comprehensive Immigration Reform legislation is very likely early in the next U.S. Congress. Any exceptions for Guam and the CNMI would be seen as precedents and it's hard to see bureaucrats sticking their necks out in that political climate.

Maybe the Governor can bring it up if he meets President-elect Barack Obama while attending the inauguration.

Okay, my tongue is firmly in cheek on that one.

Marianas zen

In the spirit of former House Speaker Oscar "suitcase" Rasa's threat to sue Gregorio "motorcade" Cruz, I offer the following koan:

Which one would you support?

Another test, would this be a non sequitur? NMI's conservation plan paves way for commercial fishing

Shrinking pains. Study sees steep job losses under federalization

There's always the military buildup. And, um, Homeland Security makes it a dim sum. Visa waivers for Russia, China dim

But if it was the federal government... Fitial: Lawsuit over LaoLao lease irresponsible, nonsense. And if you don't like the result... DelRosario: Court's order to seize DPL assets unfair

Paying for Guam's cranes? Matson to hike Guam, NMI rates in Feb..

But there are "new twists to the swimsuit competition." Stellar Marianas to present last Miss Marianas pageant

Maybe it's Guam today and here tomorrow. Gas falls below $3 a gallon. But $3.13 isn't bad

Or give them to the Obama family. Guthertz: Let GAIN help greyhounds (That's Guam Animals In Need)

Saipan oops: sun, sand and sex

A recent post from tripadvisor.com shows that Saipan still has a way to go in promoting itself:

I just returned from 2 days in Saipan in April. We stayed the the Century Hotel, and it was nice enough. Overall, we were disappointed in Saipan because of all the dodgy gambling houses and hookers. Hookers approached me on the street while I was walking with my wife. We felt unsafe in Saipan, and thought our things would be stolen at any moment. We were glad to leave, expecially when the only cafe at the airport sold $5 water and soft drinks. I wouldn't recommend Saipan to the island traveller - Guam and Palau were so much better.

The Aquarius Beach Tower got mostly great reviews, and none of them dissed Saipan. Well, except for "Also, you will be far away from Garapan, the crowds of tourists, cheesy shops and hookers."

A personal view for readers not familiar with Saipan: the hookers are certainly all over Garapan, but generally not too aggressive (at least to 'statesiders'; you can say haole if you're smiling). Either it's getting better or I don't notice as much. The problem still needs more attention, but for me it's certainly not threatening or dangerous.

That said, I had one lovely lass try to jump into my car when I was leaving a general store. Walking over to the Paseo de Marianas for my five buck Thursday supper-- which at today's grocery prices here is cheaper than cooking for the family-- makes me feel like Robert Stack wading through the airport Hare Krishna in the movie Airplane!. My son asked what a 'massageee' was on our stroll there last week. I said a relaxing back rub or some such nonsense. "Let's take a different route back," I suggested. "Maybe I can get another offer." I did.

It's not just the night ladies; Garapan restaurants have their hawkers on the street too, though they usually stick to the Japanese tourists.

The sporting life

Well, studies seem to be showing that Viagra is indeed a performance-enhancing drug. In sports.

"All my athletes took it," Victor Conte of the infamous BALCO laboratory is quoted as saying.

The World Anti-Doping Agency is looking into the matter, and may ban the drug* before the 2009 Winter Olympics. That's timely, because the effects are reportedly more, um, pronounced at higher altitudes.

According to the New York Times: "The agency, based in Montreal, is financing two studies related to Viagra and performance enhancement in sports. The University of Miami is studying whether Viagra benefits aerobic capacity at lower altitudes than the Stanford study — comparable to heights where elite competitions take place. This study is also examining whether there is a difference in the way Viagra affects male and female athletes."

Okay, I'll stop sniggering if you will. After I point out the obvious preliminary screening for men: dirty pictures. Oh, and expunge the picture of some lad in speedos fighting his priapism by thinking of baseball like some Junior High School student who just watched little Maria reach down to pick up a pencil.

More sniggers; I lied

This gives us another possible cause for athlete's well-publicized misadventures. Steroids and Viagra is a scary mix.

It also may explain why ESPN has so many commercials for enhancing that other performance. That and sedentary couch potatoes. I don't watch it as much as I might because of my son. It's not embarassment or priggishness, I just don't like the faux macho stuff.

As usual, professional sports are behind the curve, especially in the U.S. In fact, the National Football league has a marketing agreement with Levitra, while Major League Baseball has Viagra (batter up) and Cialis is on the PGA tour.

* No word on drugs from the same family like Cialis and Levitra (Vivanza! to you Italians).