It hurts to laugh

A joke email I found in The Nation. I've nothing to add; send it to a friend.

Dear American:

I need to ask you to support an urgent secret business relationship with a transfer of funds of great magnitude.

I am Ministry of the Treasury of the Republic of America. My country has had crisis that has caused the need for large transfer of funds of 800 billion dollars US. If you would assist me in this transfer, it would be most profitable to you.

I am working with Mr. Phil Gram, lobbyist for UBS, who will be my replacement as Ministry of the Treasury in January. As a Senator, you may know him as the leader of the American banking deregulation movement in the 1990s. This transactin is 100% safe.

This is a matter of great urgency. We need a blank check. We need the funds as quickly as possible. We cannot directly transfer these funds in the names of our close friends because we are constantly under surveillance. My family lawyer advised me that I should look for a reliable and trustworthy person who will act as a next of kin so the funds can be transferred.

Please reply with all of your bank account, IRA and college fund account numbers and those of your children and grandchildren to wallstreetbailout@treasury.gov so that we may transfer your commission for this transaction. After I receive that information, I will respond with detailed information about safeguards that will be used to protect the funds.

Yours Faithfully Minister of Treasury Paulson

email antidote

I don't get many phony opinion pieces attributed to celebrities and scurrilous 'somebody told my aunt' rumors in my email these days. That may have something to do with my tendency to shoot back at the sender with snarky remarks about their gullibility.

When they come, snopes.com is a grand place to check them out. Obviously, most aren't worth the time. (BTW, why are there so many about Barack Obama while John McCain gets a free ride?)

I subscribe to their newsletter to see what I've missed, but handle it with care. Once I get started it takes me an hour to sort through the interesting and funny rumors. Every page leads to another.

"Don't blame me"

George Carlin got me going this time. I never could resist the man's humor, and the fake views on aging even have his voice. That led to how he felt about this garbage: i.e. "sappy load of shit". It's a short jump from there to his home page, naturally.

Then there's that Larry Miller guy. Being mistaken for George Carlin and Dennis Miller is a neat trick, something like mixing oil and water. Worth checking out, I thought. Waste of time, that: there's no there, there.

Still, you get the point. For me, it's another time-trap. Happily, I got another favorite out of the exercise:

Make the Pie Higher!
(Attributed to George Bush)

I think we all agree, the past is over.
This is still a dangerous world.
It's a world of madmen and uncertainty
and potential memory losses

Rarely is the question asked
is our children learning?
Will the highways of the internet become more few?
How many hands have I shaked?

The misunderestimate me.
I am a pitbull on the pantleg of opportunity.
I know that the human being and the fish can coexist.
Families is where our nation finds hope, and where our wings take dream.

Put food on your family!
Knock down the tollbooth!
Vulcanize society!
Make the pie higher! Make the pie higher!