Minimum wage retort

Want to read a good joke? Try downloading U.S. Labor's minimum wage report on American Samoa and the Commonwealth of the Northern Marianas. Don't take my word for it: check it out for yourself.

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Still with me?

Whether you're for it or against it, this product is lame. The two main points from the summary: "1. Short Time Frame. The reporting time-frame specified in the legislation – no later than 8 months from the date of enactment (May 25, 2007) – did not provide sufficient time to observe actual effects of the minimum wage increases"... and "2. Lack of timely labor market data ...The lack of such data for American Samoa and the CNMI significantly impairs efforts to measure or to project the impacts of scheduled minimum wage increases for these territories. It was not feasible to conduct field investigations in connection with this study."

Minimize the minimum (Panglossolia)

If you're agin raising the minimum wage you read "With both of its major industries declining simultaneously, the CNMI economy is in overall decline, and its current economic situation makes it especially vulnerable to additional shocks. While data are not available to precisely quantify the impact of the recent and scheduled future increases in the minimum wage, it seems likely that the current economic decline may be made worse. General experience in the U.S. and elsewhere has shown that potential adverse employment effects of minimum wage increases can be masked or offset to some degree by an expanding economy that is generating net employment growth. No such offsets can be expected in a declining economy."

Stay the course (Damn the torpedos, full speed ahead)

If you're fer a higher minimum you find this nugget tucked away in the back of the report: "Some recent U.S. research regarding the effects of minimum wage increases suggests some positive employment effects when increases are associated with labor markets characterized by a degree of monopsony power." Dictionaried, monopsony means "A market situation in which the product or service of several sellers is sought by only one buyer."

Don't confuse me with the facts

Strangely, the Saipan Tribune chickened a little. You'd almost think they had a vested interest in a low minimum. My buddy Dick Pierce, the governor's office and the Chamber of Commerce each get a day to wring their hands. Nobody is asked to express another point of view. Huh. I guess the 'majority' opposes the minimum wage as part of that federalization bundle.

Monday's article included this gem "Increasing the CNMI wage to $7.25 an hour, the report said, is comparable to raising the U.S. minimum wage to $16.50 an hour." Not exactly. The report said "The scheduled increase in the minimum wage to $7.25 (by 2015) will likely affect at least 75 percent of wage and salary workers in CNMI. By comparison, in order to directly affect 75 percent of U.S. hourly workers, the minimum wage would need to be raised to $16.50, the 75th percentile mark for wage and salary workers who are paid hourly rates." Lies, damn lies and statistics, the man said.

Tell me what I think

So who can we believe? Try yourself. What did you think about the minimum wage before this shelf-filler came out?

Or, heh, me. I think the jury's still out. I've maintained for years that a higher minimum wage in the CNMI would be great for small businesses because the majority of people would have more disposable income. Unfortunately, higher energy costs have sucked up the loose change from the cushions so we may never know.

There are already too many quotes, but I'll add one last tidbit from the report: "In 1980, the CNMI per capita income of $3,298 was 32.5 percent of U.S. per capita income of $10,134, and in 2000, the CNMI per capita income of $9,151 was 30.7 percent of U.S. per capita income of $29,855.33." It's pretty obvious that the old model wasn't getting us to a U.S. standard of living.

Fifty cents this year? Yeah, maybe, probably. Then how about a real study when there are results to analyze? I'll bet they've already shelved this treewaster and forgotten about the subject.

Leaving on a jet plane

Hope you caught UMDA: We're not a buy-and-sell firm in Friday's Saipan Tribune. Hey, if you can encourage a major air carrier like Asiana to come in and make a few bucks at the same time... why not?

Besides, now they've moved on to the moribund Hotel Nikko: the last memento of Japan Airlines' messy breakup with the CNMI. Well, almost the last. There's still that white elephant across the street. We can only hope the government has learned something. Yes we can.

Glad somebody is doing more than yodeling 'more flights, more flights' and then bitching about Washington.

I Ain't Marching Anymore


But that's the thing, instead of doing what you can locally, it's easier to worry over what [has been, is being, will be] decided there. Those folks are worried about their constituencies, and, within reason, what they think is right.

Bread and circuses cost money, so any distraction is welcome. I know, let's have a (motorcade) rally. (I'd link to the Marianas Variety, too, but I don't want to have to change the link tomorrow).

Honk if you hate federalization. That word makes for great spin. Kind of a loose canon. It brings out images of the National Guard posted on every corner. No wonder those States Rights rednecks bought into it. I've been searching for a more neutral term, but no luck so far.

And people still insist on asking whether I think it's a good thing. I still answer "I dunno." The minimum wage raise was years overdue and came at precisely the worst time. I don't expect the feds to do a bangup job with immigration, so I suppose the question becomes 'can they do worse than the local government'. I dunno.

The whole idea of 'guest workers' is built on a faulty premise: that the government can interfere in labor markets without messing them up. Too many workers and the minimum wage becomes the de facto wage. Too few workers and you strangle businesses. Both sides expect the government, here or there, to have the answers. Oh Kay. I'll sell that, but I won't buy it.

BTW, there's a book making the rounds that I highly recommend: "Nobodies: Modern American Slave Labor and the Dark Side of the New Global Economy" by John Bowe. I borrowed it from brother Jas in passing. Reads quick, has interesting arguments and the part about Saipan is done pretty well. Maybe I don't buy Dick Pierce as elf and Pam Brown as pixie, but those are just quibbles.

Under the wire

This one barely made it, but easily tops my favorites of the year.

And now the rest of the story. They say he borrowed the head from a motion-activated Santa. For a bonus "The headless dancing Santa now carries a knife and sings and dances on Conrad's front porch."

Previous winners? Well, after several hard drive crashes, this land is the only one I can get to offhand.

Recent fun:

My favorite until Santa came down the chimney: Talk about Christmas spirit(s).

I set a similar photo as our yuletime background. Who knew I was being politically incorrect? Get a lighten up, please.

My dog ate it. My teachers never believed that one.

This site demanded a bookmark. Coat of many colors indeed.

Then there's After years of staying put, her skin had literally become one with the sofa and had to be surgically removed. The link title is fair warning, I would think.

Send the kids to bed, because the 10 Most Bizarre Scientific Papers is next. A preview:

Hmmm. Nevermind. I was going to borrow the photo from Rectal Foreign Bodies: Case Reports and a Comprehensive Review of the World's Literature Look it up yourself. Needless to say, the site has been duly bookmarked.

How can I miss you if you won't go away?

One of my all-time favorite song titles... Dan Hicks and his Hot Licks.

The messages and emails were appreciated, but I hit a hiatus where my schedule was lousy. Plus, this blathering got old, and then I decided it wouldn't be wise to comment going into the election: I really didn't have anything positive to say and it seems the politicians I thought most egregious are friends. Did you get that Ron?

Kumhobaya

Glad to see they got their lease. The Japanese got tired of being ripped off, so it's back to Koreans. The uncharitable might say a small percentage of the lease payments saved would be a wise investment in legislative approval.

Housekeeping

Seedy Demesa got her wish. Hope the school works out.

Sigh, no La Fiesta Casino. Who cooked up those numbers they were throwing around? Especially when I read that it was not for locals. Who else would use it?

Cohen, Cohen gone. Best to avoid the rush when all the Bush appointees go job hunting.

The silly season

Now why on earth would I put Paul Wolfowitz in a blog about Saipan?

For starters, I've been saving his mosque picture for ages and he's about to become old news (until he gets his Medal of Freedom). I guess his girlfriend doesn't mend socks.

Indeed, a person who got his job because of connections and used that position to push his, umm, acquaintances into power. Bono was at least as qualified.

Reset OK, that's not it. I've been thinking that maybe the anti-federalist, anti-imperialist, anti-activist crowd was right all along. Dump the U.S. Then we can go begging to the World Bank (which has nothing to do with the U.S.) for a bailout. They would then proceed to force our government into all of the painful cost-cutting steps it is unable and unwilling to take.

Because they just don't get it. The elections are the only thing on everyone's mind and the chance to make rational cuts has passed. The Legislature and the Judiciary are crying and refusing to take a hit. (In passing, why is it those branches pay higher salaries than the Executive for the same work?) The Mayor would rather cut services so his bloated staff can remain sitting in the office. This is not rocket science, folks. If three quarters of your budget goes for personnel, you have to downsize when the money runs out. Reduction in force 'if necessary' indeed.

Reset So let's step back in time to when the budget was a similar size and set the government workforce to a similar level. That's a surefire votegetter.

Island dreams I read the news today, oh boy. Actually, it was cable; who reads these days? A woman was saying the Senate should cut gas prices. Cute, but it's the silly season so she's bound to get a taker. Maybe the guy who thinks the solution is to go out and tax all of those businesses who are making too much money.

Now that's funny, I don't care who you are. -- Larry the Cable Guy

Come-ons from the whores on Seventh Avenue

Does it really take a visitor to say that prostitutes are still overrunning Saipan? It seems so. That D. Martinson letter in the Tuesday Saipan Tribune doesn't say anything new: (I'd link to it, but there's a glitch in their archive.)

First, I can't tell you how many times I was propositioned in Garapan by prostitutes--you call them masseuses--for sex. Why is this permitted? Can anyone give me a good reason? Am I to understand that elected officials, business owners, and police department can't do a thing about it? I find that hard to believe. Tip No. 1: If you want Japanese tourists to return, clean up Garapan of prostitutes. Every single last one must go.

It's obvious on Cpl Derence Jack Road, where I'm writing this now. A fine memorial indeed. I guess the politicians have more important things to worry about. By the way, has the Zoning Board gotten anyone to sponsor their adult zoning legislation yet?

I've always been ambivalent about prostitution: a 'victimless' crime and all of that la-di-da. In an ideal world, maybe. In reality, and particularly Saipan's reality, no. Exploitation, abuse and drug use are rampant. The government has consistently shown that it is institutionally incapable of controlling those abuses.

A few days after we moved I watched a Chinese man strolling down the street speaking on a cellphone. He kept stopping in various strategic locations, checking out the activity in front of the 'massage parlor' and other places. Naturally, I became curious, wondering if he was setting up a raid on a rival. No, he was evidently breaking in a new working girl. She came around the corner next to me and sauntered down the street getting constant instructions over her cellphone. Style points, I guess.

Now, I intentionally made it obvious that I was watching; I really don't think this activity is going to do much for our store. His response? He eventually entered the store, cellphone attached to his ear, and strolled up and down the aisles checking prices. Then he left without a word, cellphone still going. Maybe I'm too sensitive, but the message I received was that I was an interloper in an established territory.

Now, these Fujien gangs usually just extort, strong-arm and intimidate other Chinese, so I'm not worried about that. Maybe that's why they get away with running roughshod over the legitimate Chinese. I do think my idea about photographing the regular girls just to harass them into moving along would be ill-advised.

I mentioned the incident to a friend about a week later when the same man strolled by and was told he had been down in Chalan Kanoa recently. From all appearances, he was collecting protection money.

I picked the song lyric, of course, partly because of Corporal Jack and partly because another section of Seventh Avenue before it reaches Times Square is the garment district.

Thanks to the garment industry, Saipan now has a large Chinese community. It's not going to go away. Some of the businesses are very good; I deal regularly with half a dozen of them. But this government has never been able to control its small businesses. How many more beauty parlors, karaoke bars, poker parlors and auto repair shops are going to be touted as 'investment'? Gee, I almost forgot massage parlors.

When the Chinese horde first arrived, the usual sleaze you would expect piggybacked in. Take your pick, the government couldn't or wouldn't control it. About as much success as with the Yakuza earlier, I'd say. Given that track record, I'd suggest leaving the casino business to Tinian. They picked their poison.

A very bright man who recently sold his business just came back for a visit. We were talking about all of the new buildings going up while hundreds of old ones stand vacant and derelict. His concise summary: "Oh, you mean the Korean Green Cards?" Bingo. We'll probably need the space to house the Korean mafia.

Sunday morning coming down

I hope Ellery Chun was buried in a loud, vulgar Aloha shirt.

Let's give him credit: his invention is better than a suit and tie in the tropics. Faint praise, I know, but what else is there to say?

I was thinking about this the other day when I was putting on a button-down Hawaiian shirt. What's with that? Maybe it would look good with a bolo tie.

The things are disgusting, and I wear them all of the time. I'm trapped in a vicious cycle: my entire wardrobe seems to be printed so people think that's what I like. Guess what I got for Christmas? Hey, they can't give me ties, so how about something almost as good.

Years ago, I considered going around in linen suits, but that seems way too expat. It brings to mind the Hunter S. Thompson story about colonial Brits sipping gin on a veranda and lofting golf balls into the slum below.

At least the word is out: cotton only. Well, OK, maybe a little plastic thrown in so it doesn't wrinkle. Those synthetics don't breathe; it's like slipping into a rubber suit. S & M with flowers. Sometimes people forget. The world being what it is, the cotton wears out immediately and the dinosaur drippings last forever.

Of course brother Jas hunts for the strangest designs which results in a few that are almost acceptable. I like the subtle ones, the pattern you don't even notice until you suddenly have to ask: "Umm, are those snails on your shirt?"

He gave me several just before I came to Saipan, purchased in a fire sale. The smoky smell wouldn't go away until he anchored them in the lagoon with a rock and let the tide work its wonders. Another happy result was massive fading. The company, long defunct, was owned by someone we'll call the Bad Luck Businessman. It seems like every business he owned eventually ended with a fire. Tragic. Oh, that's what made me think of the Gahan Wilson cartoon above. It's captioned "It's a good thing Effie likes these little funerals, she's had such awful luck with her pets."

Because I like football, my wife presented me with a couple of prints of football helmets. How tropical. What's worse, one was entirely filled with the Dallas Cowboys and they take up a distasteful amount of space on the other. Obviously, I can only wear them to gloat when the Cowboys have a Really Bad Year. Being polyester, they should last into the next century.

There's a glimmer of hope, though. My oversized son has taken to raiding my closet. I just hope he keeps his hands off of the cotton.