Now that's lazy, boy

You still have almost four days to bid on the ultimate la-z-boy chair at ebay.

Almost the ultimate, anyway. True, its Briggs and Stratton engine even has a nitrous oxide booster That, and the parachute (!) are about the only features left out of the description:

Engine: Briggs and Stratton Model # 19070 Type: 5641 with electric start. Transmission type unknown and is sloppy. The vehicle has front lights, rear tag light, radio, cup holder, rear roll bars and other custom options, missing the seat cushion.

It had me going, until I read the Q and A at the bottom: what use is a recliner that doesn't recline?

I missed the cup holder at first and was going to cavil about it. Then again, that's probably why it's for sale; it's a DWI forfeiture. You probably don't need to know more. You probably don't want to know more. Okay, here's more.

Print this photo and we'll have to run you over.

More? Dennis Anderson's family is auctioning a photo of him on ebay to pay legal bills. Maybe the local VFW could look into this.

Autographed photograph of the world famous DWI Motorized La-Z-Boy style Chair. All proceeds from this auction will go to Denny L. Anderson to help him pay his fines and legal fees. Dennis is a 62 year old distinguished United States Navy Veteran. He served our county for 37 years. He defended our country so we can have our freedoms we enjoy.....Winning bidder will receive a genuine 8x10 autographed photo and a 4x6 of the chair at the race track, along with a personal note from Dennis L. Anderson himself. Thank you for bidding and god bless!

Worst newspaper?

The Kansas City Star may be the most unprofessional big-city newspaper in the United States.

I follow sports, so it has been hard to avoid the stories about Kansas City Chiefs running back Larry Johnson. Because of the vague references to "anti-gay slurs", I had not paid attention. "There is no there, there," so to speak.

Heh. Then I got intrigued because the story just won't go away, with hundreds of articles and at least one hundred blog references. What did he actually say?

Well, Star reporter Kent Babbs says he called a Twitter follower's profile a "fag pic". Okay, not nice, not a word I'd use at all. Strike it from the language. And, definitely, stop following him on Twitter. Ah, but Johnson didn't stop there. He called the same guy a "Christopher Street boy". Here's where I don't know the rules. Is that an epithet if it is false? Is it an epithet if it is true? Is it just a clever way of saying 'gay'? Is it okay if a gay guy uses it like it's okay for Johnson to use 'boy'?

Is it cause for suspension, a $600,000 fine in effect? Maybe I'm wrong, and the National Football League is not so homophobic that it makes 'don't ask, don't tell' look like a model of tolerance and enlightenment.

Oh, more tweet from Johnson: "My father played for the coach from 'rememeber the titans'. Our coach played golf. My father played for redskins briefley. Our coach. Nuthn."

Now we're getting somewhere; that's cause for a chewing out at the very least. Maybe the reporter can enlighten us further. "Johnson continued the rant," he writes (impartially), "and, in later responses directed toward Johnson's Twitter followers, contained inflammatory remarks about gays." Hmm. Someone has got an agenda here. He skipped right over the part about the coach and the team.

Time to make the Star the story: According to Babbs, the next day:

"Johnson, sitting next to second-year running back Jamaal Charles, told reporters that "I'm not talking till Thursday," his usual day of speaking with reporters.

Then Johnson turned away and whispered.

"Get your faggot ass out of here," he said.

Well, prove it Babbs. He says he can, because there is a tape:

Star reporter Kent Babb, standing immediately to Johnson’s right, heard the comment and checked his tape recorder to verify the offending words. Later Monday, several Star editors confirmed it by reviewing the audio multiple times.

The link is to a two second clip from the tape. I've listened to it multiple times also, and I can't understand the first part of his sentence. Listen for yourself.

So I'll repeat it: Babbs appears to have an agenda. Maybe the editors do too. I might believe otherwise if they post what was said before the two seconds they choose to spoon-feed to the public.

That doesn't make Johnson the victim and he doesn't wear a white hat in this movie. He was stupid, and he comes off like the typical spoiled sports star. He's probably on a shorter leash because of his earlier legal problems.

Now I've wasted as much time on this episode as everyone else.

Saipan to be scrapped in November

I hope this isn't an omen.

The (former) USS Saipan is headed for the scrapyard, according to the Navy Times. World War II is becoming ancient history, and I wonder if the name will ever be used again.

I also wonder whether it would be possible to get a piece of the ship for display on Saipan. Is anyone even interested in that? Some items will be returned to the Navy, according to the article.

Two cents worth

That's what the Navy is paying; International Shipbreaking will make its money off of the materials. Sad, the Peleliu and Nassau are the last Tarawa class amphibious assault ships still in service.

It seems I told this story before, but I won't let that stop me: I once attended the annual Marianas Visitors Bureau dinner. An astronaut-- name withheld-- was the guest of honor. He announced to the attendees, mostly Japanese, that he'd always wanted to come to Saipan because he was a fighter pilot. You guessed it, he was sorry he missed the Marianas Turkey Shoot which accompanied the Battle of Saipan. I was in the cheap seats muffling snorts as I tried not to laugh out loud.

American Video finalists

President Barack Obama's Organizing For America is airing the final episodes of its Health Reform Video Challenge. Here's how New Media Director Natalie Foster put it to me on Sept. 26:

This is your chance -- you ingenious, insightful, funny people out there -- to make a 30-second ad telling the story about why the status quo has got to go, or explaining how the Obama plan will ensure we get the secure, quality care we need without breaking the budget.

The top submissions will be voted on by the public and a panel of experts, with the winning ad aired on national television. This is your opportunity to add your voice and creativity to the debate, get some great exposure for your work, and make a huge difference.

How clever, I thought at the time. Reaching out, 'getting input' and scamming a whole bunch of free brainstorming at the same time. I've been waiting anxiously, and Director Foster says we've got the finalists:

Out of nearly a thousand excellent videos submitted, we're down to the top 20. Now it's your turn to watch the finalists and vote for your favorites -- and then we'll air the winner on national television.

The top 20 ads will also be voted on by our panel of experts and artists, including Black Eyed Peas frontman will.i.am, animator and director Seth MacFarlane, actress Kate Walsh, Obama for America campaign manager David Plouffe, and Democratic National Committee Chairman Tim Kaine.

Okay, so I might not get around to waiting while 20 videos download, but I might. It's always fun to see what's happening behind the curtain, and when one of these ads starts popping up everywhere, you can say you saw it here first. You could even vote, though I don't know how much weight you have versus the judges. The deadline is Nov. 6. Here's a somewhat random sample:

Your own little toxic avenger

My son may or may not be too old to care about Halloween, but I've got a couple of grandkids who are at prime ages for some trickery.

Those hectorers at safecosmetics.org are trying to spoil all of our fun. Ten out of ten commercial face paints that they tested had lead. Most of them had just a smidgeon of nickel, cobalt and chromium, too. Here's another story with links to the report.

From the release: "The report also found many hazardous ingredients listed on the labels of Halloween hair-color sprays and make-up products, including butane (persistent, bioaccumulative and toxic), thiram (neurotoxic, possibly carcinogenic, used as a pesticide), alumina (neurotoxic), propylene glycol (possibly carcinogenic) and pigment green 7 and pigment blue 15, which are not approved by FDA for use in cosmetics."

Then again, they try to be helpful by recommending natural stuff like berries and avocados. There's even a link to The Smart Momma blog, so I forgive them.

Attack of the killer vaccine

This story has only one source, as far as I can tell, so maybe even Louis Farrakhan isn't this crazy:

"The Earth can't take 6.5 billion people. We just can't feed that many. So what are you going to do? Kill as many as you can. We have to develop a science that kills them and makes it look as though they died from some disease," Farrakhan said, adding that many wise people won't take the vaccine.*

That's the H1N1 vaccine he's supposed to be talking about. Then again, claiming that a New Orleans levee "may have been blown up to destroy the black part of town and keep the white part dry" doesn't indicate a firm grounding in reality.

Normally, it wouldn't matter what he says or thinks, but a lot of people listen to this wacko, only Allah knows why. They could die if they believe him.

Maher says amen

Making the movie Religiosity seems to have given Bill Maher a bad case of Christian Science, because he's against the vaccine too. He doesn't seem to think it's a plot, though (I hope). Then again, he continues to amaze me: I never thought I'd side with television doctor** Bill Frist against him, much less that I'd agree Maher's acting crazy. Of course Frist was citing the New England Journal of Medicine (Hospitalized Patients with 2009 H1N1 Influenza in the United States, April–June 2009, and Critical Care Services and 2009 H1N1 Influenza in Australia and New Zealand), while Maher "knows". I don't know how funny this is, but here's their conversation:



There's more comedy available from Glenn Beck, but I'd have to link to five YouTube videos.


* I feel a bit more confident that he actually said those things. Strange, a number of 'black' media sources didn't mention H1N1 in covering the event. Sources like FOXNews, examiner.com and a lot of newspapers just quoted the UPI story without fact-checking. The original source is The Commercial Appeal of Memphis.

Which brings us to the subject of our junk food appetite for sound bites. Yes, it's a bizarre and outrageous thing to say, but it had a context. UPI just grabbed the headline and everyone else dutifully followed along.

** That's a snide reference to his 'diagnosis' of Terri Schiavo

Dog eat dog? Well, not exactly

Nice title, eh?*

Time to Eat the Dog? probably comes from the fertile mind of a marketing guru. The authors seem too serious-- hemp clothing serious-- to tease us like that. It isn't even available in the U.S., I think. Amazon's website went catatonic. Barnes and Noble came up with some cutesy substitutes. I had to go to Amazon in the Mother Country to get a peek at the cover. Gift wrapping available (with recyclable paper, I hope).

The title continues: The Real Guide to Sustainable Living, which is probably what the authors wanted. Fantastic Read headlines a five-star review at the British Amazon. Dangerously Dull, responds the one-star review:

It's possible that this book might inspire people to think a bit more about the consequences of their actions and steps they can take to live more sustainably. However I suspect the endless statistics, tables and often preachy and negative tone may have the exact opposite effect for some people, and lead them to draw the conclusion that nothing can be done anyway, that all the things that make life pleasant are unsustainable,and they might as well just give up now.

My other half has a PhD in mathematics, and after reading the introduction to this book, he abandoned it and declared that he was unconvinced that the authors had any real understanding of statistics.

The juicy, quotable stuff gets picked out in all of the articles: a large dog has twice the carbon 'footprint' (pawprint, they all guffaw) of an SUV; a cat equals a Golf**. The book of course is about appliances, lighting, packaging and a host of other wasteful habits we enjoy.

On the U.S. side of The Pond, in the Land of the Hopelessly Literal, most stories focus on the, er, juicy parts. Some bloggers never bothered getting past the title.

"The title of the book is a little bit of a shock tactic, I think, but though we are not advocating eating anyone's pet cat or dog there is certainly some truth in the fact that if we have edible pets like chickens for their eggs and meat, and rabbits and pigs, we will be compensating for the impact of other things on our environment. -- Professor Robert Vale

I haven't seen PETA's reaction.

I've had fun with this, but it's because I really do believe in sustainable living... if it's not too inconvenient and doesn't cost too much more.

* I learned about the book from a Canadian news aggregator. It's a beta website-- probably why it loads slowly in the browser-- and they seem to think hockey is as important as Iran's nuclear program, but pretty good overall.

** Save The Earth: Eat Fluffy
Barking Mad!
Reducing Your Carbon Paw Print... You get the idea.